Can I Trust Her Sincerity if She Just Refreshed Her Profile?

Posted on Jun 26, 2012 by in Ask an Expert, Dating Advice

ChnloveAdvisor-Expertise Center

James is dating one of the Chines girls on Chnlove. He does have  a good feeling towards her, and the communication between goes smoothly. However, James recently found the girl continues to refresh her profile online while she is dating him and confessed the love towards him. Now, he doubts her sincerity, and wants to figure out whether this girl can be trusted or not.

Question:

Hi Cynthia,

I have been writing to a lady for about 2 months. She has responded well, and things seem to be going well. I was so excited when I received her last letter that says:”My beloved, dearest James, you are the first thing i think of in the morning. I thank God every day that he has brought you into my life. Your love makes my life complete. When I think of our future, my heart is filled with so much joy and hopes. You are the most important thing in the world to me.” However, I just noticed she refreshed her profile after just receiving this kind of letter! I was totally confused and frustrated…

Another thing is that while I was out of town a couple of days ago, i used my iPhone to get on the web-site to check for letters, and I saw that my lady had her picture up as an Online Lady to Chat. To me, this means she was trying to get men to chat with her. I have really strong feelings for this lady, but I am seriously concerned about her sincerity. I am thinking about setting up another account to test her. Should I do that? Please advise. Thanks in advance.

Best regards,

James

 

Answer:

Hi James,
Online dating service like Chnlove allows intimacy to build very quickly, but it can also create a lot of doubts and uncertainties because you are dating someone on the other side of the world who speaks a different language. We have received quite a lot of feedbacks from gentlemen like you, who were worried or even devastated when they found their lady refreshed her profile. Actually, this profile refresh thing doesn’t necessarily mean anything, because some agencies refresh the ladies’ profiles on a regular basis without asking for permission. It is a normal practice for them to keep the options open for the ladies.

If this issue continues to bother you, just ask her in a casual, tactful fashion. Asking is, in our opinion, the world’s most powerful and neglected secret to successful relationships and happiness. Just talk to her every time you are in doubt. Even if she actually did refresh her profile or if she is still chatting with other men, it doesn’t necessarily mean she is insincere or no longer wants to be in this relationship with you. You mentioned that you had been corresponding with this lady for two months, which may not be long enough for her to convince herself that you are the one for her. She may have some kind of reservation, which may not be easy for her to tell you about. You just need to ask her what is on her mind. Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship. Do NOT test her sincerity with another account, because she will be very upset and even offended when she finds out the truth, and it may ruin everything between the two of you. Mutual trust and understanding is very crucial for a healthy relationship. Without trust, any promising relationship will be led to a dead end.

Lastly, I would like to stress again that there could be a lot of uncertainties when it comes to online dating. Don’t get overexcited or carried away by the sweet words in her letters. It is normal for the translator to dress up the letters a little bit in order to keep you interested. Try not to build up your expectations until at least you have met her in person in China. Expectations will cut your heart out if your eyes are not open! After all, you have only corresponded with her for two months. Common sense should dictate your next steps with this lady. Until you spend time with her face to face, use common sense and NOT infatuation!

Regards,

Cynthia

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